Brooke, 21, survived a year of abuse at the hands of her porn-fuelled boyfriend who bashed her if she resisted the porn inspired acts he demanded. Last Tuesday Brooke and I shared a platform at a breakfast gathering of civic leaders, teachers, police domestic violence & social welfare workers in Toowoomba, to discuss the relationship between pornography and violence. Bravely sharing her story for the first time, Brooke moved the room to tears. She is a living expression of the direct suffering women endure at the hands of men living on a diet of pornography. Here’s what she said at the event (slightly edited).
My name is Brooke, I’ve lived in Toowoomba for two years. I have been involved in a domestic violence relationship and this morning I’m going to share more about this so called relationship. I first met John when I was 18 years old we both lived close together and soon became great friends.
It wasn’t long after becoming friends with John that we both started dating, I was overjoyed that I finally had someone who loved me for me but I soon came to realise that this wasn’t the case. A month into the relationship he had beaten me twice, mentally abused me about my weight and looks. He couldn’t go anywhere with me as I was too ugly and didn’t fit into the size of clothing that he wanted me to.
So I was left at home stuck with his abusive step father who loved John and would do anything to stop me from being happy. Soon before I knew it, I couldn’t eat. I was allowed coffee and smokes, that was all. I developed an eating disorder.
No longer allowed around my friends, I couldn’t call anyone if I wanted to see anyone it had to be with John and when he wanted to leave we had to leave then and there. I soon lost my friends my personal trainer had started to notice the bruise and cuts but I couldn’t say anything in fear she would be hurt. I was alone scared and lost.
John was addicted to porn. He would watch porn on TV, his phone and had videos saved to his iPod. It didn’t matter where he was, if he wanted to jerk off he would pull out his mobile and go for it. If I refused to have sex with him, he would sit there doing his business while telling me what I was missing out on, how pretty these girls were, if only he knew them I real life. His mind had been filled with this image of what pretty woman had to look like and I was supposed to look and act like them.
One night I refused to have sex with him. I was hit, kicked in the gut and nearly lost my life all because he couldn’t get internet, his phoned had gone flat and I refused. His girlfriend wouldn’t give him sex but my best friend did. We were at his auntie’s house for a birthday party the weekend before my 19th birthday.
My 19th birthday wasn’t a birthday I want to remember, but I do. I was told I wasn’t allowed a small cake as it would make me even fatter and he couldn’t have that. As a present I was beaten three times that day and punched 20 times by midnight. I was too sore to fight him anymore. I wanted my life to end then and there but I couldn’t do anything so I asked him to kill me instead.
The police had been called for a domestic between John and his mum not long after and I was hidden in the bedroom too scared to come out. I could have been free that night but I stayed in fear. He was fine, he watched porn again that night like nothing happened.
I don’t know why but I asked a friend to meet with me knowing the risk. I had I told John I was going to the gym but instead packed a bag of clothes taking nothing but one bag with me to this friend.
After meeting my friend we went to her friend’s house where the next day I was taken to Goodna Youth Service and put on to D.V connect. I was moved that day to Brisbane where he found me, then moved to the Gold Coast where he once again found me. I was so desperate for him to just leave me alone that I tried to kill myself but survived. Why, I’m still working that out. After being released from hospital I was transferred to Toowoomba.
Since moving to Toowoomba, John has found me but I have decided not to run anymore. I can’t keep doing it as I have a life here. I now live in a safe supportive family, I’m currently studying and looking for part-time work and volunteering at The Base soup kitchen.
If porn was not in John’s life, I believe I would have been treated correctly as a woman who had feelings not an object to be tossed away like it didn’t matter.
If you know anyone in any sort of bad relationship or come across someone wanting help I beg you to help them. You don’t know their story but you can be the one to save them.
See also: ‘Growing up in Pornland: Girls Have Had It with Porn Conditioned Boys’, MTR, ABC Religion and Ethics
2 Responses
Hi All,
I was blessed to have been at one of Melinda’s talk last. I was moved by her talk last year and was yet again very blessed to have talked at a breakfast sharing my story with Melinda their to share the platform to. I would like to say thank you to everyone who have left such kind loving comments. I was amazed at how many people responded and showed their love. Thank you Melinda tankard reist for wanting to share my story but not only that for your Bravery… This was my first time sharing so deep into my story… Most of this no one new about and sharing for the first time made me think about your courage you are amazing… Let’s all stand as one and help change this world because we got to be the change we want to see!! I was stuck in this place of darkness but was taken out I’m now a survivor! But how many more can we see just by making a change? Thank you again and please support Melinda and her team also.. I would love to see her here in Toowoomba again touching more lives so let’s keep her in the game. Thank you to the readers and many people around the world showing your care and support ☺️
Dear Brooke and Melinda
Wow, thank you for being so brave to share your story. And yes, shout it from the rooftops. Pornification and the resultant abuse is a dark shadow in Australia, as it is in the rest of the world. I’m sorry you had to experience that.
It will help you realise that it sounds like John is completely enslaved, that is he is a sex and porn addict. However, even though it may not be his fault in terms of his early life influences (probably a complete lack of positive mentoring by dad), that made him vulnerable, it is HIS PROBLEM and HIS RESPONSIBILITY now.
Melinda, keep one speaking to the elephant in the room in Australia. You are one tough lady and keep finding your strength in the Lord and in your support team.
God bless,
Bernard