I was just about to post this blog when I got news through twitter that the on-line seller of vintage and handmade products Esty had changed its policy and was prohibiting items and listings that disparage or promote hate. However, as the rape cards and other offensive cards remain on its site at the time of writing, and as it appears sellers are being asked to voluntarily withdraw, I am publishing the blog as is in the hope it might contribute to speedy removal. Also, it could easily be argued that the cards already violated Etsy’s Terms of Selling. And regardless, we still need to confront the reality of a rape-trivialising culture, of which this card is just one manifestation.
I’m barely keeping up with the litany of women-punishing products, music, images and messages flooding the world at the moment. It’s overwhelming.
Take this for example.
On-line seller Etsy is advertising a greeting card for women who have been raped. It contains a drawing of a naked woman cowering in the shower with the wording “Congratulations: You got bad touched!” This card and other çards ‘for awkward situations’ are created by Jason Jones whose selling name is “YouStupidBitch”.
Change.org has a petition calling on Etsy to remove this card along with others including one mocking mothers of children with Down syndrome, another congratulating women with breast cancer.
Tell Etsy to remove rape congratulations cards from website
As of this afternoon, there were 16,521 signatures.
For the past couple of weeks I have been tweeting Change.org’s petition, encouraging people to sign. (Thanks to all who did).
One woman on twitter criticised me doing so. She said that while the cards were “in poor taste”, she would never “dictate what other find amusing”.
Dictate what others find amusing…I didn’t say this in response, but I’ve been thinking about how anti-semites find images of Jewish people with exaggerated noses amusing. Or how white supremacists may find images of blacks being lynched, entertaining.
Why isn’t mocking women who have been sexually assaulted seen as universally and unequivocally offensive? Why are crimes against women seen as fodder for amusement?
What has happened in our culture that such a sadistic and cruel card could even be created, let alone sold, profited from, justified and defended by others?
Products like this feed into a culture which trivialises rape, makes fun of or blames sexual assault survivors. A
culture which tells them to get over it or even that they should be grateful anyone would want to rape them (a comment I’ve heard). A culture which comes up with t.shirts with slogans like “It’s not rape it’s surprise sex” or “It’s not rape if you yell surprise!”
It’s the survivors of rape who we should be listening to in all this. How does a rape greeting card make them feel?
A young sexual assault survivor shared her thoughts with me:
As a survivor, when I hear of rape-positive attitudes it is a reminder that I live in a world where rape is condoned or even promoted. It is a reminder that I am not simply up against one man who tried to rape and kill me, rather I am up against a culture of abuse. It is a reminder that my experience of sexual assault, while highly personal and individual, also has a historical and cultural dimension that reaches back for centuries, and which bleeds into all cultures and communities around the world. That knowledge is hard to deal with as it makes my experience seem irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. It also makes me feel insignificant and it makes future rape of other women including sisters, daughters and friends seem inevitable. In effect the knowledge that rape is still condoned by some makes me feel even more powerless as my own experience is made a mockery of.
One thing I always say is that if these people knew what it was that they were joking about, then they wouldn’t joke about it. I envy anyone who is able to joke about rape as it is a clear indication that they have absolutely no experience of what it is that they are joking about: if they did they would never joke about it. People should not use big words that they don’t understand because they end up looking like idiots. Well, rape is a big word. People who don’t understand it’s meaning- not definition- but meaning, shouldn’t use it, much less joke about it.
As I say, even if I never see or receive such a card, the very knowledge that it exists makes me feel alone and unsupported by the broader community. When a person is sexually assaulted their faith in humanity is fractured. To see other people mock rape and its victims only exacerbates the sense of dislocation from the rest of society and this compounds feelings of isolation and distress.
Demonstrate your solidarity for women like this. Stand up against all rape trivialising jokes, products and messages.
6 Responses
i wonder what is available at Cafe Press? I complained about their products that say “Blind People Suck” and was told they don’t censor. This has tone untrue – so the real question is “where do they draw the line”?
Hard to enter the mind of who would make these cards, and frankly I don’t want to go there. Sick sick sick.
I think what those retailers and organisations who use the line “we wont censor” or “people have a right to free expression” or more pathetic “we dont support political correctness” fail to understand is that it is one thing for an individual to expression her/his opinion – that is freedom of speech – but quite another to sell goods ie profit from items that fail to support reasonable community values. Individuals are protected in deference to drawing a line on the extent to which the state can silence that individual. Commercial activity on the other hand is heavily regulated for all sorts of reasons, to support broad community values and expectations.
I find it very alarming that someone could mock people who have been harmed (Fractured as the survivor of sexual assault above stated).
It was bold to share your story and your hurts, know that it helped me as I too have suffered harm in the hands of others. Thank You for what you wrote. It makes sense to me.
I come on this blog as it helps me. I see that I, even though the writings arent written directly for me, feel supported as they write about the very things that others are complacient in and even excuse. Its a safe place to come to. Often the issues are hard to read and make me angry, but its the responses of others, and knowing that someone cares about the issue enough to write that helps. I may not leave a comment, but many of the comments don’t leave me. It makes me bolder in my daily life – which believe me is sometimes hard to navigate.
Thank you Melinda and for the brave story teller too.
They don’t censor? What a load of crap! If they picked on homosexuals, aboriginals or (in the USA) used the word ‘nigga’ I am guessing they would be howled down and remove the offending articles.
The minority groups which are the object of contempt may shift with social pressure but there are always small minded bullies who boost their own egos by picking on someone who seems defenceless. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
“What has happened in our culture that such a sadistic and cruel card could even be created, let alone sold, profited from, justified and defended by others?”
I believe there is no point to talk about morality or simple respect to other people’s feelings and emotions when all business is concerned about is making profit. We are no way near being civilized, we are still savages and the conditions we all live in only contribute to it.
Banning things like that doesn’t prevent it from happening in the future. The environment needs to be changed.
Oh my god, you people are so pathetic, so pathetic that this comment will not even be published, and yes you are even more pathetic Melinda! So publish this viewpoint or not YOU are the one I am writing this for.
What do you people want ? You want the whole world to be bubble wrapped, no sharp edges, only fluffy clouds where everything is “All Ages” ? Unicorns and googly eyed kittens ?
The world is far from perfect, there is bad and there is good, for every negative there is a positive, there cannot be light without dark.
For every action there is a reaction, this is life people!
And for you losers to moan about a few funny greeting cards is absolutely the most worthless crusade by a bunch of, or shall I say sexist feminist I have ever seen, what the hell ?
There are more important things to blabber on about i’d say, umm, like illegal wars being faught, world censorship, our food and water being poisoned by governments and private corporations with flouride, aspartame, hormones and god knows what else.
You are pathetic, there really is no other words for it.
You go on a crusade to remove greeting cards you deem offensive…really ? that is your purpose in life, that makes you feel good about yourself ?
it’s people like you who make this world an even worse place to live in!