In compiling ‘Big Porn Inc: Exposing the harms of the global pornography industry’, the raw and painful experiences of women had a significant impact on us. Men who think viewing porn is harmless – and that the women who care for them shouldn’t take it badly (after all, aren’t the women in porn just ‘fake’ women?) – should recognise how devastating this can be for their partners.
“I have no time whatsoever for those who see it as liberating or empowering to women’s sexuality as this is absolutely not my experience at all…The distress caused sleepless nights, lots of crying, a constant feeling of being on edge, an anger that was all consuming,” wrote Caroline.
“As it sunk in, it was absolutely devastating. I began to question everything I thought I knew about my husband, and our relationship. Did I actually know who he was? Could I believe him when he said he loved me and that I am beautiful? Was our sex life actually about the two of us and our love for each other?” wrote Cate.
I was completely shattered. I felt disgusted and also ashamed, like it must in some way be my fault. Clearly I, his wife, was not satisfying him sexually. Worse than this, was the betrayal…how could I trust him again?” wrote Gina.
And Marina said: “We go to a counselling once a week. Do they put that in Playboy? Is that sexy and fun?”
Porn is the wrecking ball for so many relationships. Many men are habitual users – porn becomes ‘the other woman’. And women feel pressured to provide the Porn Star Experience.
Think porn is just a bit of fun? Or is it hurting your relationship?
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