Another take-no-prisoners piece from Collective Shout’s W.A director Caitlin Roper. This piece originally appeared at Everyday Victim Blaming.
A few days ago I stumbled on this piece from Mercatornet: “Why taekwondo won’t save girls from date rape”, with the subheading, “What they really need is to stay out of harm’s way.”
Sadly, it is not unusual to see the burden placed on women to not get raped rather than on men to refrain from raping, the whole premise that women even have the ability to stay out of harm’s way is grossly ignorant at best. Mercatornet advises girls:
‘The basic rule of self-protection for young women should be don’t be in the wrong place at the wrong time. That includes a man’s room, his apartment, an alcohol-laden fraternity party, or even a well-known “party school.”‘
Leaving aside the fact that the author just advised women to avoid entire college campuses so as not to get raped, I refer to The Crime and Safety Survey by the Australian Bureau of Statistics.
In 58% of the cases, the offender was known to the victim. (RAINN’s statistics suggest this number is two thirds, or up to 73%, but at any rate, it is a significant majority.)
One of the most frequently recorded locations for sexual assault was the victim’s or another’s home (40%). While women can be raped by a stranger on a dark street, the far more likely scenario involves women being raped or sexually assaulted by someone they know- an intimate partner, a family member, a friend, co-worker or acquaintance. In their home. Tom Meagher, husband of murdered Jill Meagher, wrote a powerful piece illustrating this very fact.
What good is advising victims to avoid dangerous places when almost half are sexually assaulted in their own home, a supposedly safe place, by someone they know, who is supposedly trustworthy? Given this, what hope do women have of avoiding sexual violence?
Last year #SafetyTipsForLadies was trending on twitter. It was a brilliant and enlightening hash tag where women shared advice they had been given since they were young on avoiding sexual assault, highlighting how women’s lives are dictated by even the threat of men’s violence. As women pointed out often pointless and even contradictory advice that was impossible to carry out while functioning in the real world, it became increasingly clear that women have no real power to prevent men’s violence against them. The distinct message was that teaching women ‘don’t get raped’ does not prevent rape- that in order to see any meaningful change we must go to the source, and teach boys and men not to rape. We need to teach them to regard us as human beings rather than conquests or sexual objects whose bodies they are entitled to access as they please.
Mercatornet went on to suggest parents enroll their daughters in a religious school in order to avoid rape. Like religious institutions have the best track records when it comes to sexual abuse. Like men who go to religious schools don’t rape women.
I was seventeen when I met Jay at church. He was twenty-four. We hit it off quickly and became best friends. He was a guy from church, so I thought he was safe. The first time he sexually assaulted me it was at his house. His parents were home. There was no alcohol, I wasn’t enrolled in a party school, I was just at my friend’s house. I could not have conceived that my friend from church could have been a threat to me.
“Staying far out of harm’s way is the best form of self-defense,” says Mercatornet. If only ‘staying out of harm’s way’ was even possible.
See also: ‘Bash a Bitch: How Men’s Rights Activists Hate Women, Caitlin Roper, MTR, June 12, 2014
2 Responses
Teaching males not to enact their male pseudo sex right to females is not the sole answer. Have males listened to female requests ‘please don’t rape me?’ Of course not – males make the choice and enact their agency when these males decide it is their male sex right to sexually prey on women and girls.
Teaching males not to rape contradicts mens’ media; mens’ popular culture and male created hugely profitable pornography industry all of which continues to justify male pseudo sex right to females because females aren’t human but merely males’ disposable sexual service stations!
We have to eliminate mens’ Male Supremacist System which for centuries has promoted and continues to promote/condone/justify/excuse/mininalise/deny that male (pseudo) sex right to females is sacrosanct!
How do we go about this? Well First Wave and Second Wave Radical Feminists had the answer – they publicly campaigned for males to be held accountable for their sexual violence against women and these radical feminists demanded male created legal system be radically overhauled. First and Second Wave Feminists demanded that male hatred of women be criminalised as a ‘hate crime’ but of course men en masse banded together to maintain their male power over women and girls. This is why whenever Feminists demand change men immediately engage in a backlash to maintain male power over all women.
The issue is political and the politics are male continued psuedo sex right to have sexual access to females anytime males demand. That is why men created their Male Supremacist Legal system because it justifies male pseudo sex right to females.
Everytime an arrogant male tells women and girls they are responsible for not putting themselves in danger of being “raped by that unknown entity” we must respond by demanding males be held responsible for their own safety.
Any male who is mugged/physically attacked when he is walking in mens’ public spheres is the one responsible for causing his own ‘attack’ not the male predator. Tell men they must not go out alone after dark without a female bodyguard. Tell men and boys they must be indoors after dark otherwise if they are assaulted it is their own fault.
I’ve lost count of the number of times yet another male was attacked whilst he was out in mens’ public spheres in the early hours of the morning. Malestream media never asks these male victims ‘what were you thinking of walking out mens’ spheres at 2.00 am/4.00 am in the morning. You were asking to be attacked!’
Men never tell other males ‘don’t venture out alone after dark;’ don’t visit males’ frat parties; don’t consume alcohol because this gives green light to the male predators; stay indoors where you are safe.’
Instead men use pandemic male violence against women as a justification for curtailing/denying women and girls their fundamental human right of freedom of movement.
Men – stay out of harm’s way and men you alone are responsible for your own safety. Men – if another male assaults you/steals your property/murders you – you not the male perpetrator is responsible!
Thank you for this article, I’ve been looking for a long time to answer the backlash I experience whenever I demand to come and go when I please citing most rapes occur outside after dark is a myth–you are no safer indoors than outdoors!