A woman face down on a bed, naked, sleeping and unknowing.
A man, phone at the ready, takes her picture. She doesn’t know. She has not consented.
Grinning and thumbs up, he then tweets it like some virtual swap card, with the hash tags #wakeupwitharandom, #awkwardsundays and #bedofshame.
For capturing without her permission, the image of the woman he only a short time ago, engaged in the most intimate acts with, he is praised. While she is shamed.
The grinning moron is hailed for the feat. The sleeping woman is labelled a slut. “Woke up next to some sl*g”, tweeted one man, humiliating the woman he didn’t mind using a short time before“.
Repeat this too many times to count and you get an idea of the twitter phenomenon which began when UK Geordie Shore reality TV star Gaz Beadle asked his 500,000 followers: “How many people r doing the walk of shame hahahaha #wakeupwitharandom #awkwardtaxihome.”
Large numbers of men began tweeting photos of their one-night-stands, in a virtual game of one-upmanship where a woman’s right to privacy was violated for their cyber shaming pleasure.
The ‘star’, described by Jezebel as “sadly but unsurprisingly a role model for many idiots”, then merrily retweeted the pics sent by his gleeful fans.
The topic trended on twitter, Beadle said he’d had a great time at the online humiliation party and was “Defo doing it again next week yer?”
However, The Sun got hold of it and following a storm of criticism, Beadle deleted all the photos and comments from his twitterfeed with an apology that was too little too late. The damage was done. The photos of many unsuspecting women continued to circulate, justified it as women getting their just deserts.
“If these girls weren’t so easy then they wouldn’t end up in #bedofshame”
“People have to remember that the so called victims of #bedofshame made the decision to have a one night stand.#consequences”
Another man thanked his comrades for helping him identify all the sluts to avoid.
Here’s what I had to say on Channel 7 Sunrise this morning.
28 Responses
This is absolutely horrific! These men show absolutely no respect for women. Yes, these women may have allowed themselves into the hands of these stupid men, but the men have absolutely no right to humiliate the women like this!
What kind of men do this to women?’ The kind of men who believe it is their innate right to have sexual access to any female and then hypocritically call her misogynistic and sexually insulting names. The kind of men who think they alone are human and women exist merely to be men’s disposable sexual service stations.
This male is engaging in reversal male supremacist tactics because in fact he is outing himself as the ‘slut’ since he conveniently omits to face fact he too has engaged in heterosexual activity with a female and therefore is declaring he is a ‘slut!’ That is if one even believes Male Supremacist lies that women are ‘mens’ disposable sexual service stations’ because men must never be held accountable for their misogynistic sexual behaviour/attitudes towards women.
Imagine if a woman were to post images of a naked male and called him a ‘slut.’ Why men would be appalled and would be ‘falling over themselves’ in their rush to denounce this man-hating virago, but when men engage in women-hating/male contempt for women why Male Supremacist System and its propaganda machine malestream media applauds/promotes/excuses/justifies men’s systemic women-hating/male contempt for women because man (sic) is the default human and only ‘man’ (sic) can be accorded dignity and respect.
Not forgetting of course this virulent woman-hating male is attempting to gain kudos and ‘cookies’ from his male peers by posting images of this woman and yes this male will be accorded ‘respect’ by his male peers because he is proved he is a ‘real man!’
The position these women get themselves in is not pretty. They clearly made very poor choices. Society denigrates them but like the biblical woman caught in adultery the man isn’t treated the same. I fear the prominent feminist movement enables these overgrown boys to behave like this and worse. Young girls need to be taught that real love doesn’t try before it buys. Young boys need to be taught how to be real men not hormones on legs.
It isnt common for young and imature men to pull these sorts of stunts on women, this includes filming and recording sounds associated. It isnt hard work to treat women with respect like they did in the old days
> “The position these women get themselves in is not pretty. They clearly made very poor choices.”
In what way have they made poor choices? This isn’t about the position women get themselves into, nor is it about poor choices that they have made. It’s about men’s abusive behaviours and attitudes towards women. That’s what needs to be addressed, rather than suggesting that it is women’s responsibility to prevent such abuse.
Congratulations on blaming women for this, Aaron you knuckle dragger. Clearly they askWAIT what is wrong with your brain dude? Theres no excuse.
Well said Zeeblebum. Women are not responsible for mens’ violence and abuse, men themselves are.
> “I fear the prominent feminist movement enables these overgrown boys to behave like this and worse.”
I don’t know if the feminist movement is enabling in that way, but there is some tendency more broadly in society (most publicly amongst some politicans and in some sections of mainstream media) to absolve men of the responsibility for such abuse.
One recent example was the the responses to the child sex offences in Rochdale, UK – race was the issue, there’s something wrong with society, poor parenting (of the victims) is to blame, the behaviour and clothing of the victims’ themselves…and more besides. By all means, let’s talk about those things as issues, but let’s at the same time not shy away from pointing the finger at where the responsibility truly lies – with the men who perpetrated such horrific abuse.
For an example of the tone of some of the discussion, see BBC1’s Question Time from 10th May 2012 – http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b01hmwqb/Question_Time_10_05_2012. The relevant segment starts eleven minutes in.
The perfect illustration of the patriarchical double standard. Of the two people who engaged in casual sex, one party gets hailed the hero and stud, the other gets called misogynist slurs.
It is to be wondered how many of the encounters were actually rape, if the young women were too drunk to fully consent the night before, because the mentality of the dudes doing this is a rapist’s mentality.
This is awful. Have gone through the tweets as much as I could bear. Shocking indictment on the madonna/whore dichotomy that still exists. This is the 21st century!
Aaron, creep back into your cave.
No-one is excusing the actions of these half-wits. There will always be a “gaz” (whoever this moron is) to take advantage of women. These “heroes” of the “new” generation are the real knuckle-draggers Shayne, not Aaron who makes a reasoned contribution to the debate. At the risk of trivialising this sad reflection on today’s society, the adages; “It takes two to tango” and “If you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas.” has never been more true.
AGAIN; No one is blaming these innocent women for their humiliation, but short of a “revolution-of-respect” suddenly overwhelming the desire to degrade and humiliate women, women, in turn could make better choices. That’s all he’s saying!
Deny morons the opportunity to degrade and you take away their conquest.
Society is perverted and depraved yes…but not just the men …young women also are behaving badly.
As a woman with daughters I believe it is more important to teach them how to live a righteous and responsible life and not put themselves in this position (instead of just pointing the finger of blame on men).
As the old saying goes: You make your bed, you lay in it.
It is shameful on for both the men & women concerned.
Yes, it is appalling, but I’d be interested to know how many of these girls got themselves completely sh#tfaced before going to bed with these guys. I think society is pushing so strongly to girls that a crazy ‘girl gone wild’ attitude is cool that they are prone to allow themselves to be degraded. Please don’t think I’m blaming them or condoning the guys behaviour in anyway, I’m simply saying I believe society needs to teach girls to respect themselves so they can be respected by others. The current message being spread is guys want the wild ones…. Yeah, so they can f#@k you and tell all their mates, certainly not so they can love and / or respect you!!
They clearly don’t see women as people. I wonder where they got that idea from? #culture
There’s an excellent take on ‘sexting’, that close relative of #bedofshame, here:
http://www.genderandeducation.com/issues/sexting/
It concludes with the following:
“We need gender sensitive support that does not treat sexting as if it were the fault of girls. We also cannot simply demonize boys. Many existing resources are based on sexual stereotypes and worst case scenarios (Ce-Ops ‘exposed’ video for instance). They are moralising and implicitly place the burden of blame on girls for sending a photo, thereby reproducing the problematic message that girls’ are to protect their innocent virginal body from the predatory over-sexed male. This in itself is a form of victimisation, which can be harmful. We need resources that offer practical and ethical ways to challenge and overturn the sexual double standard whilst empowering both girls and boys, considering the sexual health and pleasure of all young people as a right.”
@Ivan: “No one is blaming these innocent women for their humiliation”
But it sounds very much like you and others are doing exactly that. Statements like ‘it takes two to tango’ and ‘women could make better choices’ draw a link between:
a) the joint decision to have sex; and
b) the man’s unilateral decision to take the photograph and publish it on the Internet.
The implication is that the woman is in part to blame for b).
—
@teachyourdaughterswell: “It is shameful on for both the men & women concerned”
Why is it to the woman’s shame that the man took a photo of her while she was still asleep and published it on the Internet?
Of course these women didn’t consent to being photographed and the whole thing is horrific, but what can you expect in a porn saturated culture?…Women need to wake up! Men and women think differently – especially about casual sex encounters. Women need to stop letting themselves be taken advantage of…these men will NOT want a further relationship with you if you sleep with them the first night you meet them! Clearly the men won’t stop so it’s really up to the women. Stand strong ladies and say NO…wait for that special someone who will respect you.
As stated by others, this has NOTHING to do with whether these women chose to have sex, how much they had to drink or anything else. Their choices are their own. But this was NOT their choice. A man violated their rights by making the choice to post this degrading photo of them, without their consent. Stop sanctimoniously wagging fingers at women and trying to force them all to stay sober virgins, most of us are utterly sick of double standards. Let us concentrate on the matter at hand. This activity is repulsive, the men are behaving in a vile fashion, let us point the finger of blame where it belongs, at the men doing this. Shame on Twitter for allowing this too. Self regulation does not work, get this sorted out Twitter.
Clearly this is unacceptable but why do people-men or women allow themselves to get into this situation. Time to say “NO” and learn to exercise judgement. It is shameful for both parties.
I’m with Zeeblebum. Women should not be shamed for seeking out casual sex. People should be shamed when they show no regard for the autonomy and dignity of another human being. Getting drunk and seeking out a man to have sex with is not a lack of self-respect…most women who do this know exactly what they’re doing, enjoy it and have a whole heap of respect for themselves. They should not be condemned for it. The men who show them no respect and take photos of them without their consent should be condemned.
So saddened by this. I feel physically ill.
@ Zeeblebum
The fact is; casual sex is still seen as a shameful act in society today. Sadly for women moreso than men. If the act itself wasn’t considered shameful, then neither would the photo. If I were a woman, I would be thankful that these idiots are broadcasting thier faces as someone not to waste my time on. On the other hand, my girlfriend is the first person I have ever brought back to my bed the first night we met and she has been the light of my life ever since. It’s a gamble, and people have been bragging to thier mates about thier sexual conquests since the dawn of time. If you don’t want to lose; don’t roll the dice.
Woman have the right to one night stands. They also have the right to privacy and dignity in those moments… What this idiot has done is deplorable!! I hope he is fired from the show… These women should have the right to press charges!!
#bedofshame is not only a hashtag for men. Also woman can use it. And there are also woman that wake up next to a man and do shame about last night.
The men in this instance are absolute morons. There is no excuse for the behavior and they should be ridiculed for it. Especially considering the photos are taken the next day/morning when presumably sober, assuming alcohol was even involved tostart with? However, if these relationships are ‘casual sex’ types, then is it defamatory to publish the said event if true? I would like to know if the legal system would support one of these women if they chose to sue?
Regardless, this type of behavior by the men is clearly a result of a game… One which takes pre determination. Any such game should stop. The issue is that the event happens to publish the women’s ability to end up in bed next to a random man after a one night stand (and vice versa), of which her motive isn’t considered whatsoever (much like her dignity). The problem is that he act is made public, and he ridicules her openly and socially for it, and therefore is clearly taking advantage of her… She wouldnt have agreed should he have explained what he was up to… Presumably.
I’m not saying these women aren’t victims, but I’m definitely saying that one night stands are a bad idea in any case, as decency has lost its sting before the photo is taken.
What’s amazing to me is that it’s still part of the mainstream to try and ‘teach’ girls to evade being disrespected. Why aren’t we ‘teaching’ boys to be more respectful, or just plain old grateful when they get some tail? What ungrateful losers, seriously. I am sorry but in western societies (and non-western too) when MEN represent the majority of those in power, those running financial and educational institutions, and those running medical institutions, why won’t men take more control? Why don’t more fathers, uncles, brothers and buddies teach their fellow men how to be better people? I am telling you, not only would the world be a better and safer place, women would probably feel free to indulge in more sex in a more trustworthy environment.
I think that this man had shoot himself in the foot!
Morally is a disgrace, had this man a sister? Was him doing that to her?
Is quite common in man to fill smart, thinking that they had be successful when had conquer, as a man I’m well aware that is often the opposite, is the women who choice!
Anyway when young we all make mistake.
I like the man comment that he had married is first occasional love, is not a rare case, and i can said that I married one of my (conquest).
At the end attraction and sexuality is a God gift, better keep in the way of respect and moral, more successful married couple had never had sex with others partner and are happy.
Personally I and friend of my, women include, had experience the consequences of others relationship or sex encounter that now are robbing our relationship.
These men are sleazebags but what sort of women actually goes out with such idiots? Really.