‘I was never as happy or as sure of myself after that. It was just too big of a let-down, because it wasn’t a rejection from a high school bully, it was a rejection from ‘the experts’, from people with professional opinion, and it was a closing of doors in my face from a glamorous and revered industry’
By Melanie*
Thank you for bringing the Dolly Model Reboot to my attention. I am disgusted and appalled. I’m sure you are already aware of the massive damage it can do. The fact that they have brought it back bothers me so much I wanted to share my story with you.
I was 15 when my mum entered me into the Dolly Model Competition. She told me it was to help me with my self-esteem which, at the time, was shockingly low. She said I was so beautiful there was no way I wouldn’t win. A mother’s naivety.
At first I was horrified because I had no respect for fashion models. I told mum that if I won, no one would ever respect me. I wanted more than to be a pretty face. I wanted to be a writer.
But she said, “What better way to get you noticed than to have everyone see your beautiful face?”
And it occurred to me that I would like to win.
I was bullied badly at school, long before I entered the competition. I had freckles and a flat chest and I was terribly shy, I wasn’t tall but I was very thin. You see, I barely ate. And I did think I had a pretty face. I’m part Native American, so I have very white skin with Indian eyes. I felt like it made me stand out.
I began to fantasise about winning the competition and not telling anybody, so they would all discover it when they saw the magazines and be sorry that they bullied me.
Of course, I didn’t win. I didn’t even make semi -finals, or get featured on the collage of entrants in the magazine. And I was crushed because I didn’t know why. The girl that won was pretty, but I just couldn’t see how I was different, or what made her, or all the other girls ‘better’ than me.
And I think the thing that is so painful is that they aren’t really better. They are all beautiful for different reasons, and for whatever reason they didn’t like the look of me.
But none of the entrants ever got to find out what was ‘wrong with us’. That’s what hurt the most. Not knowing why. All we got was the silent rejection of never having been called and knowing that for some reason we could never be told, we weren’t model pretty.
And because that was the whole point of the magazine’s message, that ‘successful’ was ‘pretty’ and ‘model’ was ‘most desired’, I started thinking that I would never really be successful because I wasn’t good enough, and that no matter how hard I worked, no one would ever pick me because I wasn’t pretty enough. The cold and silent rejection stung, and reinforced the message that I was not good enough, and that my bullies were right to pick on me.
It made me feel so worthless.
So 11 years later, after two sexually abusive ex-boyfriends, an eating disorder, an anxiety disorder that I’m still trying to control, and three suicide attempts, I have finally learned the value of myself and my life, and have clawed back some semblance of self-respect.
And I don’t blame the Dolly Model Competition for all of these things, but I do recognise it as a catalyst, and I know I was never as happy or as sure of myself after that. It was just too big of a let-down, because it wasn’t a rejection from a high school bully, it was a rejection from ‘the experts’, from people with professional opinion, and it was a closing of doors in my face from a glamorous and revered industry.
Teenage girls just are not equipped to deal with the conflicting messages, and they are not equipped to deal with damaging competition and rejection.
If I knew what I know now, I would never have accepted the competition in the first place. If people had been less fixated on my looks and more on my talents and interests, I might not have accepted a boyfriend that hurt me, I might not have tried to starve myself, I might not have tried to die.
Girls are worth more than how they look, and I cannot accept that, with teens feeling the way they do, magazines like Dolly are willing to exploit them.
The Dolly Model Competition is bad news. They have enough girls clamouring for stardom in the industry, without bringing the rest of us into it.
*Real name withheld at author’s request.
8 Responses
Elodie, if only you knew of God’s great love for you. With him you are good enough.
Thanks for sharing your story – I’m sure this is the story for many young women. Even if it doesn’t lead to eating disorders or other serious problems, it’s going to eat away at self-esteem to ‘not be selected’ for something like this, and this is something that ALL teenage girls can do without! And of course there will be MANY young women with a lower self-esteem after this whole thing is over than they had at the start. So it would seem that it’s not a good idea to be doing it if this magazine is at all interested in building the self-esteem and general life satisfaction of its readers. Come on Dolly – time to grow up a little. It’s crazy that you would not hear the deep cry of the young women reading your magazine. They just want to know that they’re beautiful and you are in the box seat for telling them so. How about an inclusive message of beauty, rather than one that leaves so many out? That’s what I would do if I were in your position, and I believe that the team at Dolly could easily do the same.
I’m so sorry you went through those painful experiences. Thank you for your courage in telling your story. It really illustrates the damaging effect being rejected has on girls- and let’s face it, apart from a handful of girls, everyone will be rejected.
Thank you for sharing. I’m sure you’ll get a number of people who will tell you competition is great and obviously you have issues … but I had a friend who was an actress and I remember her after auditions… she was crushed. The beauty industry and acting in a way are completely focused on the physical. No matter how nice, intelligent, capable you are if you don’t have ‘the look’ you are rejected. I don’t think it is healthy to take vulnerable young women, promise them stardom and then take them down. There is enough rejection, cattiness and bitchiness in the world why subject young women to public displays of it. There are girls out there who have the force of will to make it in these industries and they will go to modeling agencies themselves… this is just a blood sport. Public judgement and humiliation with no thought that real girls are hurt.
The funny thing is your ethnic mix sounds amazing. Love your features!!! Models are chosen because they can sell clothes not because they stand out. I’m olive skinned and ‘ethnic’ looking, in a country that loves blondes… I got over it. I buy my daughter non blonde dolls and teach her she is beautiful when she is strong.
Love your strength and believe in yourself. Sounds like you are on the right track 🙂 good luck
I agree it’s what’s on the inside that counts
Thanks for sharing your story Melanie (so glad you went on to be a writer – we have enough models, never enough great ideas through!).
You have a really articulate way of reflecting upon your own experiences that is so resonant with so many women’s experiences. Thank you for sharing
Melanie I’m so glad you wrote this.
The reality of these competitions is one smiling winner and a lot of girls wondering why they didn’t make it. I never entered these competitions, but I did spend a lot of time comparing myself to the girls who won.
I’m so angry with myself that i bought into the idea that my looks are what’s important. It’s very hard to shake that feeling when we’re essentially told this every day through advertising and media.
Melanie, I was so pleased to read this part:
“I have finally learned the value of myself and my life, and have clawed back some semblance of self-respect.”
Good on you. Your story will help others Melanie, thanks so much for sharing.
I wholeheartedly agree with this! Teenage girls are already incredibly competitive on the basis of superficial beauty. This competition makes it official! It does nothing to promote self-love or sisterhood! Fantastic job!