By Alison Grundy
I am infuriated by the continued and deliberate misrepresentation of the crime of rape by the media and various ‘experts’, such as NSW Police Commissioner Andrew Scipione.
As a clinical psychologist, manager and supervisor in the field of sexual assault for 21 years I have been personally involved with thousands of rape victims from as young as 18 months through to women in their 90’s. None were raped because they were drunk or sober, because they were young or old, because they were attractive or not, because they were wearing any particular type of clothing or were behaving in any particular way.
They were raped because a man or group of men decided that their right to have power and sexual control over them was more important than their victim’s human rights and dignity. It is not drunkenness that elicits acts of rape. Attitudes like those expressed in the media last weekend continue to blame the victims and completely ignore the responsibilities of the perpetrators of this crime – who almost always get away with it.
In which other crime do the ‘authorities’ and the community continue to relentlessly scour the victim’s behaviour, character, clothes, friendships, alcohol intake etc. to find reasons why their offenders offend? It’s ludicrous. It’s illogical.
Yes of course being intoxicated makes you an easy target for crimes of this nature. And for that matter many others. That is because men who choose to sexually offend are not doing it as a “crime of passion” – they are selecting their targets consciously and to guarantee the greatest chance of avoiding consequences. That does not mean that it logically follows that if women stopped drinking then the sexual assaults would stop. It is not drunkenness that elicits acts of rape. Otherwise drunken men would be raped as often as drunken women.
By far the greatest “characteristic” you can have that makes you vulnerable to this crime is and has always been being a female, followed closely by being a child, being disabled and being mentally unwell. There are varying and infinitely complex “vulnerabilities “ to all types of crimes. Should women be asked spend all their waking time and energy minimising their vulnerability to rape – given that every time they do modify their behaviour the men who rape just adjust to target some other vulnerability anyway – or should we be focussing on stopping men from committing this crime?
How can confining, controlling, monitoring and blaming the victim of any crime stop the perpetrators from perpetrating? How can the fact that men choose to act violently towards women in staggeringly high numbers continue to be invisible in these discussions and continue to be left off the social agenda?
No amount of constricting women’s behaviour will stop rape….no amount. It is happening in 10 percent of women’s homes for goodness sakes. It happens to every type, race, class, age, religion of women. And let’s not forget that men also rape other men.
A male somewhere can find any type of woman, or their clothes, or their behaviour, or their ‘anything’ attractive….and use this to justify sexually assaulting them. The myth that there is a way to dress, to be, to act and to exist, that makes you safe as a woman from rape is just that…a myth.
We cannot control women as a way of stopping rape. What will stop rape is when men decide that they will not rape anymore. I agree with Nina Funnell when she says: “What about a pact between male buddies which says ‘I will not rape a girl or watch on as you try to rape a girl- and not say anything’?
Why not a pact between blokes which says “If I see you trying to take a girl home who is clearly too drunk to consent, then I will speak up and rescue you BOTH”.
In fact, why isn’t the Police Commissioner saying “Don’t Rape! Just don’t do it. Don’t rape sober women, don’t rape drunk women, don’t rape young women, don’t rape old women. Don’t rape thin women, don’t rape fat women. Just DON’T.”
This is when and only when rape will stop.
Also by Alison Grundy: ‘Sexual assault counsellor asks why is it OK to use sexual violence as a marketing tool’
7 Responses
Oh well done, Andrew Scipione. ‘Tell your girlfriends if you weren’t planning to have sex’? Because goodness knows, consent is such a black and white issue it can be decided hours in advance and declared publicly. And any woman who doesn’t make such a declaration and then goes and gets drunk is clearly asking for it, right?
Stop Rape at all costs, we as woman deserve better than that. It is our right not to be raped.
Rape is the only crime where the victim is put on trial. What was she wearing? Was she drinking (oh my!)? Did she flirt? etc
Imagine there is a man who had a bit to drink and is sitting on train. The carriage becomes empty and it is around 4pm. Another guy gets on the train and robs him. Would you then blame him for being mugged? Would you say he “invited” the mugging or wanted it to happen? Would we tell men to NEVER drink, lest they get mugged? No. Drunk or sober, a man can be mugged. Drunk or sober, it’s ridiculous to suggest he was “asking for it.” The robber chose to rob and should be held accountable for his actions.
The difference with rape? People believe it’s about uncontrollable lust- “men just can’t help themselves.” Rubbish. If that were the case there’d be women being raped in shopping aisles everyday. Rapists target those who are vulnerable, and who they can isolate. It is about using sex as a weapon – not about 2 consenting adults having fun and enjoying sex.
Hopefully the police commissioner will publicly change his message soon so that the focus is on men not to rape, as the author has suggested.
Brilliant piece, Alison! The problem as Nicole J has also pointed out is that consent is not a black and white issue. A woman can withdraw consent at any time, going home with a guy is not license for him to do whatever he wants with her. What if she consents to some sexual acts but not others? What if she consents to vaginal sex but not anal? The onus has to be on the guy to decide not to rape.
I had a friend who went home with a trusted mate of hers, she consented to kissing him but then he got aggressive and sexually assaulted her. Her body’s reaction was to freeze- most rape victims do not kick or scream even if they are sober. It does not mean they have consented. Going home with ANY guy alone, whether or not you know him, involves inherent risk of rape. The only way to prevent that is to ask women to never engage in casual sex, never drink, etc etc , which is frankly absurd. Women have as much right to enjoy life as men.
Rape will only reduce when we put the blame squarely where it lies- on the rapist.
That article in the Age is shocking. Reading it, I was reminded of Susan Faludi’s Backlash – the tone took me back to some dark old age. First Scipione admonishes women for not controlling men’s sexualities without one mention of men’s responsibility, and then he reminds women that our role in life is to have children – unbelievable! But I think the tone of the article was even worse than his actual comments.
How is it possible that in this day and age, there is still so much onus on women to ‘not get raped’? How about somone in a position of power (like Scipione?!) encourage MEN to have a buddy system – you know, to remind each other that having sex with a heavily intoxicated woman is not cool; that ethical sex means actively gaining consent first, and without consent, it’s rape.
While this article offers good advice about not blaming the victims of rape and calling on men to take responsibility for their mate’s actions to prevent rapes occurring, I think that the criticism of Mr Scipione is misdirected. He would agree with that advice.
To protect vulnerable people from predators, we do need to look out for each other. Someone who is drunk is not able to give proper consent, so it is a good idea for friends to assume that consent is not given unless they hear it from her while she is in full control of her faculties. There is a lot of pressure in our sexualised society to assume the opposite and not act on our misgivings.
We have to free ourselves of the fear of being tagged a wowser if we don’t drink to excess, engage in promiscuous sex or question our friends if they do. Alcohol and a pornified society both act to take away the ability of women (and men) to say no to acts they are not comfortable with. We need to give back to girls (and boys) the confidence to have a good time without becoming senseless, to use peer pressure in a positive way to look after each other instead of pushing each other into drunkenness and promiscuity.
We should heed the findings of the Wollongong University survey “that young female Australian university students who consume alcohol at harmful levels are more likely to experience potentially harmful sexual situations.”
Just as parents plan for their children’s safety by ensuring adequate supervision and safe travel, it is wise to make plans with our friends for mutual safety once we achieve independence.
A woman being drunk in the gutter, or a child being unsupervised in a public place does not excuse the actions of any predator who takes advantage, but it is up to all of us to take responsibility, protect the vulnerable, look out for each other and call for a higher standard from men and women. Because, as any parent knows, bad behaviour is not always changed just by telling the perpetrator “DON’T”.
Drinking makes you vulnerable to ANY crime. Why is it only ever brought up in the context of rape.