I recently returned from a lengthy speaking tour which took me to Brisbane, Sydney, Adelaide and New Zealand. I addressed schools, women’s conferences, youth groups, health and wellbeing events and The Mask You Live In. In New Zealand I was a guest of TEARFund, speaking on what I call ‘Everyday Trafficking’ –the links between sexualisation of girls and the global trade in their bodies. I addressed awareness and fundraising events to help raise money for organisations working in prevention, rescue, prosecution and rehabilitation, including Hagar International.
I had a profound time especially with students in the public and private schools I visited. What I especially noticed on this trip was how a pornified world was impacting now on very young girls. I was asked questions about how to deal with sexual harassment, pressure to send sexual images and provide sexual favours, by girls as young as 12 years old. One cried as she described the impact of receiving unsolicited pornographic videos from a group of boys. In one school I met two 15 year olds who had been gang raped. I fear things are getting worse, and they’re getting worse younger.
But it really was a remarkable trip and every day I woke up thinking – how am I so fortunate to do this work? Laura Pintur, 23, who led our successful Zoo campaign, travelled with me, inspiring young people to see that they too can make a difference in the world. Here are some photos:
This is one of the most moving responses I have received following an engagement in a school. Thank you Melanie – you make it all worthwhile.
Dear Melinda, I am a staff member at *** College… I am 21 years old, and currently studying full time … I have also recently returned from a trip to India where I worked with women who have been trafficked into sex slavery, so much of what you said today hit very close to home.
I heard the first half of your talk with Year 9 students this afternoon (unfortunately I had to leave early), and I must say, I learnt as much during those forty minutes as I’ve learnt in perhaps a year of my degree. Studying academic theories is an important part of understanding how we come to inhabit and process the world around us. However, seeing those theories represented practically, through advertising and popular culture, truly drives the message home, and that is what personally happened for me today. I came to fully realise that, although the status of women has advanced significantly over the last century, women in the 21st Century face entirely new challenges and obstacles.
I was not among your target audience today. Therefore, I can imagine, if I was affected as profoundly as I was, how powerful you and Laura’s message was for the girls to hear. It seems like only yesterday that I was their age, sitting in that very auditorium myself, listening to guest speakers and wishing that they would speed things along so that we could snatch an early minute for lunch. No one was wanting to snatch an early minute today. Unfortunately, the vast majority of females know what it feels like to be degraded and objectified in some way.
My personal experience of grooming, sexual abuse and subsequent eating disorders has ignited my own passion for combating this issue, and empowering young women to defend their rights and develop a sturdy sense of self-worth, so that they never feel as though they are incomplete people who need a man to fulfill them. I believe that everything happens for a reason… perhaps, I endured trauma so that I could empathise with the struggles of others. If this truly is my life’s purpose, it is both my greatest blessing, and my greatest challenge. It is difficult to inspire others when you yourself lack inspiration, or feel as though your voice is silenced.
The very nature of abuse, or any form of oppression, as I’m sure you know, is that the victim loses their ability to speak. Overcoming this hurdle remains difficult, as I live in fear of the man who perpetrated the abuse, and it is only now that I am beginning to tell people of my experience. It is only now that I am realising that the shame is not mine to carry – the burden of shame sits upon the shoulders of the man who committed terrible acts, knowing full well that he is protected by a patriarchal society which sexualises girls and young women and blames the victim. Perhaps, had I heard your presentation while I was still at school and before my abuse began, I would have been more prepared and knowledgeable, or known how to recognise these manipulative behaviour and been empowered to speak out. I have driven myself mad with, “could have,” “would have,” and, “should have’s” for years, but I know that this thinking, too, is reinforced by a society in which women, according to the legal system and media, control the actions of a depraved predator.
Hearing you and Laura speak today has had a significant impact on me, because it has empowered me and reminded me of why I do what I do. It has helped me to realise that I am indeed on the right path. I feel comforted in knowing that I do not stand alone; that there are women who are actively doing something to ensure that females of all ages are protected, and that those responsible for the gross sexualisation of women are held accountable. It has filled me with promise for my own future. I hope to be as passionate an advocate as you, Laura and the many other strong women who are fighting to secure equality and justice, and who are helping those in need to not only find, but to own their voice and their right to use it.
Some people believe that equality starts and ends with voting rights and equal pay. But it goes so far beyond this. It starts with voting rights and equal pay, and it doesn’t end until women can stop organising their daily commute around when the sun will set at night. It doesn’t end until people stop asking the victim, “What were you wearing?” It doesn’t end until a victim of rape or abuse feels that she can speak and be listened to, rather than speak and be silenced. Once again, thank you for filling me with inspiration and empowering me to continue on the path I am taking. It is days like this which make me proud to be female, despite the risks that just being female entails. I feel privileged to have heard you speak and I hope you truly realise the power of your words and advocacy in planting the seed of change and helping women on their own journeys of recovery. I wish you all the best and hopefully we will meet in the future at some point.
Kind Regards, Melanie.
One Response
Melanie is absolutely correct Feminist Theories must be more than just theories and I myself when giving public presentations, have seen how powerful linking real Radical Feminist Theories to real life experiences of women and/or how malestream media constantly promotes pandemic male hatred/male contempt for women and girls does enable the female listeners to see what is really happening.
Likewise Melanie is also spot-on accountability must always be levied at the males who enact their choice and agency to sexually prey on women and girls and subject them to male sexual violence. Shame the male perpetrators – but that of course means holding men and boys to account and mens’ Male Supremacist System works 24/7 to deflect accountability away from them and on to the female victims.
I sincerely hope some of those boys who listened to Melinda Tankard Reist and her colleague Laura Pintur, didn’t ‘switch off’ and think ‘this has nothing to do with me because I’m not a rapist/sexual predator and I don’t watch real porn. I just want to be accepted by my male peers as a real male, because being accepted by them is vital. Anyway just because my male friends watch porn doesn’t mean they don’t like girls or don’t treat girls with respect.’
Whilst it is vital we challenge mens’ global sexualisation/dehumanisation of girls and women at the same time we must name the agents who are actively profiting/benefiting from global female sexualisation/female sexual exploitation/female sexual enslavement and no it isn’t other women! It is men and boys who continue to benefit because they collectively and individually are not the ones being routinely subjected to male sexual violence/being sold by other males into male sexual slavery or even dehumanised as ‘other males disposable and interchangeable male sexual service stations.’
So whilst the focus has to be on providing girls and young women with how to combat/challenge pandemic male pseudo sex right to their bodies we must also critically analyse how men and boys continue to be the absent agent. Who are the ones demanding ‘sexual favours from school girls?’ Are they all martians or unnameable entities? Boys’ primary focus is on being accepted by their male peers as being ‘real males’ and this is how mens’ Male Supremacist System maintains their male domination/male oppression over all women and girls because being a ‘real male’ means holding women and girls in contempt and believing females only exist to service male demands 24/7!
So issue is not about putting boys first and claiming ‘wah mens’ Male Supremacist System hurts boys too!’ It does not – the system accords boys their male sex right to oppress women and girls because being male is supposedly the default human. So the first step is to name sex of the oppressors/those who benefit from global female sexualisation/global female sexual exploitation/global female sexual enslavement and constantly challenge pseudo male sex right to dominate/oppress women and girls because their sex is female.
Second step is already being enacted – providing girls and young women with the facts concerning what constitutes real male sexual predation/male sexual violence/male hatred of women and girls because their sex is female. Third step is to simultaneously challenge male pseudo sex right to oppress women and girls and inform boys how they are part of the problem but can also be part of the solution; by refusing to accept mens’ lies that being born male automatically means one is superior and of much greater value than those non-human beings named females! It doesn’t mean putting focus solely on the boys and claiming they are victims too – because male oppressors cannot be simultaneously victims and oppressors given they are the ones continuing to benefit from their Male Supremacist System.
It is never easy challenging male pseudo sex right to female bodies because this is the central tenent of mens’ Male Supremacist System and this is why mens’ global pornography/mens’ pimp industry is so profitable, because whilst women are accorded a tiny percentage of their human rights; male pseudo sex right to female bodies remains a male sacrosanct right and this is what boys are learning and enacting.’ Challenging male pseudo sex right to females means boys and men will be made uncomfortable and they will undoubtedly deny their accountability but if we can’t name the issue we can’t begin to challenge male pseudo sex right to females.