by GAIL DINES
The porn industry must be throwing a fit right now. The adult book Fifty Shades of Grey has sold over twenty million copies in record time, and sales are still going strong. How did E.L. James, a first-time author who was a television executive, manage to pull off a feat that has eluded the porn industry—getting women to see sexual cruelty as hot sex? In my interviews with them, porn producers regularly bemoan the fact that they just can’t seem to make porn that appeals to the majority of women.
I can’t say I am surprised that the normally business-savvy porn industry has been bested by a novice, given the somewhat ridiculous advice Adult Video News (the porn industry’s premier trade) journal offered to pornographers interested in attracting more women to their websites. Arguing that only 15% of Internet porn consumers are women, AVN suggests that to attract women, “adult Webmasters need to create sites where the primary elements are interaction and education.” And what would these sites look like? “Such sites would allow women to obtain advice, perhaps during teleconferences with experts, have elements of cybersex, and should play into women’s relationship fantasies”.
I can’t imagine women flocking to websites where they can get handy hints from experts mid-arousal. But The AVN article did get something right: women are flocking to a book that plays into, and exploits, “women’s relationship fantasies.” The fantasy they recommended, “a story of how a woman got a rich and powerful boyfriend” because she is good in bed, is very close to the formula James followed. But this story line alone isn’t going to sell to women, as the porn industry knows only too well.
While much of the sex in Fifty Shades is as cruel and sadistic as in mainstream porn, it is expertly packaged for women who want a “fairy tale” ending. In male-targeted porn, the woman is interesting only for as long as the sex lasts. Once done with her, the man is onto the next, and the next, and the next.… She is disposable, interchangeable, and easily replaced. No happy ending here for women.
In Fifty Shades, however, the naïve, immature, bland Anastasia is, for some unfathomable reason, the most compelling woman our rich, sadistic, narcissistic hero has ever met, and he not only kisses her during sex (something you rarely see in Internet hardcore porn) but he doesn’t move on to the next conquest once he has had his wicked way with her. In fact, he actually marries her and confesses undying love. As one of the female fans I interviewed said, this is like Pretty Woman all over again.
Indeed, Fifty Shades is about as realistic as Pretty Woman. How many prostitutes do you know who end up living in marital bliss with a former john? I would guess about the same number of women who live happily ever after with a man who dictates, in a written contract, what to eat and wear, and when to exercise, wax, and sleep. In my work, I meet many women who started out like our heroine, only to end up, a few years later, not in luxury homes, but running for their lives to a battered women’s shelter with a couple of equally terrified kids in tow. No happy ending here, either.
In his book on batterers, Lundy Bancroft provides a list of potentially dangerous signs to watch out for from boyfriends. Needless to say, Mr. Grey is the poster boy of the list, not only with his jealous, controlling, stalking, sexually sadistic behavior, but his hypersensitivity to what he perceives as any slight against him, his whirlwind romancing of a younger, less powerful woman, and his Jekyll-and-Hyde mood swings. Any one of these is potentially dangerous, but a man who exhibits them all is lethal.
And yet women of all ages are swooning over this guy and misreading his obsessive, cruel behavior as evidence of love and romance. Part of the reason for this is that his wealth acts as a kind of up-market cleansing cream for his abuse, and his pathological attachment to Anastasia is reframed as devotion, since he showers luxury items on her. This is a very retrograde and dangerous world for our daughters to buy into, and speaks to the appalling lack of any public consciousness as to the reality of violence against women.
Fifty Shades also reveals just how pornographic our culture has become over the last decade or so. While the old Harlequin romance novels had narcissistic heroes who toyed, sexually and psychologically, with their much younger prey, however remote and emotionally challenged he was, the hero did not have a torture chamber tucked away in his basement. Fifty Shades of Grey is Harlequin on steroids, a kind of romance novel for the porn age in which overt sexual sadism masquerades as adoration and love. New as this is, the ending remains depressingly the same for real women who end up falling for the Mr. Greys of the world.
GAIL DINES is a professor of sociology and women’s studies at Wheelock College in Boston. Her latest book is Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked our Sexuality (Beacon Press). She a founding member of Stop Porn Culture.
Gail Dines is a contributor to Big Porn Inc:Exposing the harms of the global pornography industry (Ed MTR and Dr Abigail Bray, Spinifex Press, 2011).
23 Responses
Thanks for sharing this article from Gail Dines, she truly is an amazing woman.
‘Fifty shades of grey’ frightens the life out of me!
That crap is going to be used against women for years to come 🙁
Thank you for sharing this article. And thank you to Gail Dines. It is great to hear people speak out against abusive, degrading behavior against women. It is very comforting to hear this in the midst of what seems to be a normalization of abusive behavior.
Even friends/colleagues who would otherwise be against abusive behavior seems to have fallen for the deception hidden behind the storyline that seems to hit all the necessary psychological buttons (isolated, misunderstood rich man in need of a female savior, etc). We all need to contribute to making this voice louder.
I told people at work that I and none of my friends had read it. When they told me every one is reading it!
“Why not they asked?”
Because we are Christians
“Thats awful I would hate to be a Christian and not be able to read it”
I said its not just because we are Christian its because we have a choice whether to deposit that kind of thing into our mind.
“We think its amazing”
I felt so very sad for them, and they have daughters!
T
Hi, thanks for posting this. I have found it very interesting. I haven’t read the book, but read some excerpts because I wanted to know what the hype was all about. after learning what this book is about, and reading some of the, in my opinion, sick, disturbing and at times abusive excerpts, I was shocked and in disbelief as to why so many women were liking this stuff. This piece helps me to make sence of it, and it is very sad I must say that so many women are into this. How lost they are.
Gail Dines does it again. Nails it!
The real life women who end up battered and emotionally scarred from real life ‘Mr Greys’, would not support this theme as a romantic hot steamy love affair.
Thanks for your insight Gail. I must confess I have read all three books and not once was I aroused. I the found it horrifying and manipulative. Neither character was likeable and I was hoping Grey would get a taste of his own medicine. I was also hoping Anastasia would be empowered and decide it was not for her. There is certainly nothing sexy about being stalked, controlled and violated.
What people are failing to see though is this is fantasy. Yes there is a subculture of bdsm out there where this sort of sex is practiced routinely. I don’t however find myself asking my partner to stalk me or accepting him hitting me just because I read (and enjoyed) the books.
Thank goodness, I thought I was the only one who was appalled by the popularity of these books. If this is what women want to read then it is truly frightening as it demonstrates even more depressingly how they have assumed the male view of the world. I am sickened by the way such pornography is flooding the mainstream market in the guise of something that is good & healthy and how incessantly these books are being promoted and described so openly in daily newspapers and TV news. This is not erotic, this is not fun, this is a story about a cruel, unequal relationship aimed at making pornography acceptable to those who have the most to lose from it. Thank you, Gail for articulating all that I feel but I fear the battle is lost. Women have been sold a lie and too many of our sisters have fallen for it.
Sarah, that’s an interesting point you raised about fantasy. Why is it some women have fantasies about being submissive, abused, controlled? I wonder how much is to do with a culture that tells us this is what women are supposed to do, while men on the other hand are powerful, callous and brutal- and this is hot.
I’m generally disgusted that sexual violence is being regarded as erotic. We are going backwards.
IT is a terrible book series on so many levels, not the least that it is flippantly brushing aside the physically and emotionally manipulative and abusive aspects of the relationship between Ana and Grey, and excusing it as not being particularly bad mainly because Grey “lurvveesss” Ana (to bits. Quite literally), and also because he is good looking and rich, so the controlling, psychopathic, cruel, violent and misogynistic behaviour (including what I would describe as rape in one particular scene in book 3) he displays is seen as a sign of just how much he cares for Ana.
It makes me want to vomit. Projectile vomit.
The BDSM is not so much of an issue for me in itself, as if it is happening between two consenting adults then good on them, however in the context of 50 I can only imagine anyone who is a real participant in a BDSM relationship would hate how it is portrayed.
I know hate is a strong word, but I hate the fact so many women who read these books seem to not be able to distinguish the fantasy from the abuse in this series, let alone see the other aspects that make these books dreadful like the terrible writing, or the fact the whole storyline was ripped off from Twilight as fan-fic.
I hated that I wasted time out of my life reading them, and I hate the fact EL James got this sh*t published when there are real authors out there whose writing actually deserves the hype she is getting.
I work in a profession that is female dominated and about 90% of the women have or are reading these book. I myself have not read it and they find it shocking that I haven’t, like there is something wrong with me. I’m a happily married women and don’t want to introduce such trash into my marriage. When I asked some of the girls why they are reading a porn book, some said they loved the psychology behind it and found the sex to be boring and repetitive. Whilst others said it improved their sex life for a week or so. No matter what their responses were these women are hooked on these books.
I’ve read all three books. To be honest, I found the first one riveting, and couldn’t put it down. Before my current partner, I was in a BDSM not-relationship, and I do enjoy the lifestyle quite a lot. The first novel gave me what my current relationship was missing (not that I mind. I love him, and I’m willing to change for him). The next two books just felt uncomfortable in that you can enjoy violent sex, but don’t complain and then go back to it kind of thing. It degenerates into an abusive relationship, full of control and some very painful moments, for women everywhere, not just BDSM girls.
Most BDSM women use it as an outlet. It’s a way to let off for the day/week/month. Typically very controlling women who need to lose control in a safe way. 50 Shades makes it sound like we enjoy rape and having no control over any aspect of our lives. Unfortunately, being a part of the BDSM lifestyle isn’t something women are comfortable talking about, so I don’t know any other women who participate, however, none of the other women I know who have read the series have identified with the same kinds of issues I have. For most, it’s either “I loved it so much! Isn’t Christian dreamy?!” or “It was too violent. I hated it.” It’s too bad really. If E.L. had kept the creepy, controlling portions of Christian out of the novel, and had portrayed BDSM the way that most of us feel comfortable with (i.e. two consenting adults living out their choice of lifestyle in the privacy of their homes, then being free to be themselves outside of the home, including choosing where they work, live, eat, etc), then more women would be comfortable with it, and there wouldn’t be this huge thing over whether it’s domestic violence.
I mean, it is, but you get the idea!
Just on the contract portion of the novel, I didn’t have a contract in my last not-relationship. Then again, if I was partnered with someone as rich as Christian is supposed to be, I probably would have! We did, however, have a verbal agreement, based on waxing, cleanliness, piercings, beards and what to wear when we were around each other. That’s really common. It’s the same as women getting out their best lingerie when they know they’re getting laid. We want to look our best, and ensure our partner gets the best out of the experience. It never extended to outside the bedroom/house, and it certainly never affected what I ate!
I haven’t read the books, but have heard bits from various friends…… enough to totally deter me! Never mind the fact that I am Catholic and I’m pretty sure it’d go against alot of my beliefs and morals, but I feel that it goes against everything femenists have fought for. We scream equal rights, sexual empowerment etc, yet become obsessed with a story of a dominating, seemingly abusive sexual relationship.
No thanks.
I have no intention of reading these books, not only because I think the so-called relationship sounds screwed up, but because reviews say that it is badly written (google for cringe-worthy excerpts). I suspect only people who don’t normally read are fuelling the apparent popularity of the 50 shades series. As for me, I’ve a pile of fine books to read and I won’t be wasting my time on these.
I honestly have very little idea what these books are about (other than sex). Having read this, it scares me to think that so many women are turning these books into a movement!! Like the porn industry hasn’t infiltrated enough of our lives already! Ugh, I just want to take my kids and run off to the middle of nowhere, where I can teach them about loving, respectful, mutually satisfying relationship that leave both individuals feeling fulfilled without them being surronded by all the crap!!
I was introduced to these books on a girl’s weekend away. They were seen as a bit of a giggle and indulging that naughty part of us. I started reading to understand what all of the hype was and would have been really disappointed if you hadn’t raised a comment Melinda. The book turned my stomach-there nothing harmless or fun that I could see. Just someone attempting to normalise porn by blending a romantic formula with it and hoping it would be called erotic. I am mystified that women are consuming it at such a rate and am sorry I wasted any money or time on it (I admit I stopped half way through the first book-that was more than enough of two shallow protagonists in a sadistic, controlled interaction-that is not a relationship last time I looked).
I think it is a bit of sad reflection of the state of things that perhaps we are so neglected that this crap is appealing because at least Anastasia is the centre of a man’s universe? Thanks Gail for putting in to words what my gut was feeling. This is not what message I want to be sending my 14 year old daughter that women want from a man. It makes me wonder what fiction she’ll be reading as an adult. I am disappointed that a woman wrote the novels but maybe that’s what working in the mainstream media does to a person … didn’t feel a glimpse of soul there at all.
Well it may be a shade of grey for many but it’s pretty black and white to me … no thanks!
I once had a relationship with a Mr Grey type. It was abuse and manipulation thinly veiled as a BDSM relationship. While quite often the sex was amazing, the controlling behaviour was not and I pity any woman who forms a relationship with this kind of man. No wonder the genuine BDSM community are up in arms about this book.
Thanks for voicing what a lot of women are feeling- but have been drowned out by the hype in the media.(I suspect many in the media have not read it.)
The books should carry a warning – ‘any victim of domestic violence, counsellor of these victims, friends of d.v. victims – or anyone with any empathy and understanding of d.v, will be upset by the content’.
I had first heard about it in the US media, before it hit the Australian media – the US female journalist said ‘she was disturbed by it’. After reading the plot – and found that disturbing enough – I read the first book…… reading about a guy thrashing a woman doesn’t do anything for me. As domestic violence victims have pointed out – it follows the blueprint closely for an abusive relationship.
Maybe the phenomenon of these books gives an insight into the female psyche – where they find it difficult to identify an abusive relationship. Maybe that it why we currently have an epidemic – especially amongst younger women – of abusive relationships. (And now with so much media hype, teenage girls are reading these books – and trying out this stuff with their boyfriends.)
And how will the movie(s) not glamorise domestic violence and abuse against women?
What have we done……
There is an aspect that many are missing. Anastasia is always the one in ultimate control. SHE decides how far things will go, and whether or not the relationship continues. She says “stop” and immediately things are halted without hesitation. I think that is the part most women are drawn too. The porn industry focuses on the visual, and most women are not visual. The book allows for on-going episodes of escape, so it can be read in small segments, a critical factor in most women’s lives. Do women want to be harmed and abused? Absolutely not. However, I think these books go beyond that, and look into the contrast of someone with “lots of baggage” vs someone with none, and how they are able to forge a relationship and allow someone who has been hurt to heal. The one who seemingly is “in control” is actually the one who needs to learn to trust and is terrified of being hurt and abandoned. I think there is a lot more to these books that the obvious.
Thank you for this review. Had a good look at Fifty Shades of Grey and decided not to finish it. Felt that it could add nothing of value to my world and, in fact, made me feel rather nauseous. I suspect that any person who has either been on the receiving end of abuse/cruelty or dealt with the inevitable aftermath may well feel the same.
It is a very sad reflection on us that the sadistic, pornographic pseudoerotic degradation of women can be accepted as mainstream; normal relating/romance. It is not.
In reality, many women like Ana, the female protagonist, end up in the mental health system or on the mortuary table.
It is also a sad reflection on us that such a shallow, awkwardly written offering that merely exploits the sensationalism and shock value of psychosexual violence, glorifying degradation and suffering, can be accepted as normal, mainstream “pop” literature. It is not.
We have a wealth of wonderful stories available to us, in all types of real literature, which offer opportunities for entertainment, enjoyment, humour, understanding, beauty, surprise, knowledge, depth, exploration of the human condition and the challenging of assumptions……the list is endless! What we choose to read, watch, listen to, purchase, and what we write help to shape the direction of our society. Which way do we want to go?
The books were compared to ‘Pretty Woman’ by a devotee.
Sounds just like ‘Sleeping with the Enemy’!
I think too many people are taking this to literally. This is a book ! It is something that takes us away from our everyday routines and away from being a FT mom, wife or just a women with demands. yes there is the submissive but as you keep reading you see that Anastasia has power and she changes his “rules” to what suits her. She in a sense becomes the dominant as she does what SHE wants and not what he tells her. When we are in the middle of our sexual encounters if we go with what we enjoy then that is what matters, when she was not comfortable she said STOP and it was done…. she asked for what SHE wanted and what made her HAPPY, that is what us women should see. I am not by any means one who watches porn (not that i think anything wrong with it), nor am i in a submissive relationship…. however we as women need to see that where the book started and ended were VERy different!
There is not one thing to commend these books as noteworthy other than the controversy that they have created. How this poorly written pornography was ever published, much less elevated to the status of best seller I will never know. I am an avid reader and although romance isn’t a genre I enjoy, I thought I’d read it just so that I could understand all the hype. I couldn’t even make it past the first chapter. Its just a really terrible book.